Do We Deserve Color?

A friend of mine was feeling low, evaluating both the painful and rewarding parts of her life, and asking if she deserved them. She finally voiced her underlying question, "What's so special about me?" 

Is she uniquely flawed, and deserving of punishment, no matter how hard she strives to do good? Or has she been granted rewards such as love, friendship, and a fulfilling career while others who strive harder are lacking, simply because she is more fortunate?

When these sorts of questions come to light after a period of reflection, they usually are touching on the question of our intrinsic worth.

Because I value the gift and luxury of color, it occurred to me that most people rarely pose these sorts of questions to this aspect of our life experience that we accept unquestioningly. We may analyze the effect that color has on our emotions-- from depressing to exultant-- but we don't require color to answer for itself. However we often demand answers from ourselves and others, privately and publicly.

Imagine posing the following: Do you see this color? Does this color deserve to be used on these walls? What has this color done for us? What if there's a better color? What if this color turns out to be a bad color? What if it was pretending to be another color all along? Can we trust this color? And by now aren't we even a little suspicious because we've said the word "color" so many times?

What does the word "color" actually mean? Where did it come from? What are its origins?How was this color made? How was it discovered or invented? Was that process completely pure and unadulterated? Was this color shown to us in a completely straightforward manner? Does it have ulterior colors?

Will it always please us no matter how we use it? Will we use too much of it or too little and then blame it for being too much or too little? Too light, too dark, too intense, too variable? Sometimes cool, sometimes warm, depending on what light is shone on it?

The list of questions could be unending. What are some others? I'd love to hear from you. Please leave a comment, question or reflection.

One answer, out of many, to the question of who deserves what is that we all have intrinsic worth, yet deserve nothing. We are not special. As the poet Charles Bukowski declared, we are "born like this into this". Like a color emerging, we are unique. How we function and how we affect others only becomes clearer as we come into view alongside others in an interplay. After that, we are indeed subject to others' and our perceptions and judgments.

As for me, I want to vitalize the emergence of others and myself at every point we find ourselves along the spectrum.