While awaiting the end of the world in 2012, I wrote this poem after watching Michael Caine in The Muppet Christmas Carol. Our family puts on our own Christmas Eve program in between the supper and the opening of the presents. Afterward, we have that post-celebration "what chaos have we wrought?" feeling, and so I sometimes feel the need to remind ourselves that it really is okay to go a bit overboard when celebration is called for. So this poem was my contribution for that year, after realizing with a laugh that Scrooge was the the first modern prototype of a puritanical environmentalist.
We used to tease my father-in-law that he would like everyone to start out the new year with fresh packs of underwear and several bottles of vitamins, and that would be a fine Christmas, indeed. But he is quite generous and kind, and not the inspiration for this Scrooge. My reaction, rather, is to a lifetime of reading magazine articles full of tips for better living through simplicity. I'm all for that, but not for every day. I firmly believe that it's healthy to go a bit crazy now and then, so this was written in that spirt.
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| In honor of my brother-in-law, who loves George C. Scott's performance in his favorite version, filmed in Shropshire England, produced by Entertainment Partners Ltd., first airing on CBS in 1984 |
Eco-Scrooge
To find a bold spokesman for the life of slim pickins
Especially at Christmas, flip through Charles Dickens.
Within his bright Carol lives a small Ebenezer
A principled man with his heart in the freezer
All Christmas delights oppose his green morals
Never at ease, he must rest on his laurels.
He says,
"Heaven awaits those content with themselves
who need never dream fancies of Santa nor elves.
This day should be marked like any man's birth
A toast to his health and a modicum of mirth.
I eschew a fat goose, not just for its prices
A Tofurkey suffices-- no life sacrifices.
Sugary plums create tooth fur and rot
The purpose of canes striped to eat, I know not.
The avoidance of glutens, casein and dairy
Keeps the belly concave and the countenance merry.
The utility of gifts become ghosts of the past
Held fast for a time but not built to last.
In favor of gifts bought with gold for a bargain
The Savior would rather a small footprint of carbon.
A blanket or coat tightly wrapped warms the bones
Coal burns not cleanly, nor frackened large stones.
The poor have the edge for they walk and don't ride
Premium oil's not taken out of their hide.
The sweat of our brows is required by earth...
That which we reduce will measure our worth."
We all know how scrupulous Scrooge was converted--
To the plight of his soul he became plainly alerted.
But if you are consumed this whole Christmas season
With right indignation that stems from good reason
By sights that seem wasteful, greedy, displeasin'
Then reread and recycle this poem meant for teasin'.
© copyright 2012 by Gilded Lily Press
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| Grammy nominated The Muppet Christmas Carol, 1997 |
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| An enlightened Michael Caine as Scrooge |
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| A still from a live production of A Christmas Carol by the wonderful Gaslight Theater of Tucson, which scared the bahoogas out of the kids in attendance in 1997. Curiously, the televised Jacob Marley did not. Treat yourself to local theater, which provides the most immediate and vivid setting for scenes of these intimate and highly unnerving visitations. |
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