Unconditional Passion Part 2

"There is no prize 'out there'. The only prize is this one (points to heart) and what you feel and what you want to accomplish." -- Kevin Spacey

Fifty ways to build your love

A widely beloved fictional story of another innocent man who is incarcerated, but for a long time is The Shawshank Redemption. Andy's passion for freedom, and the love he devotes to it, is expressed only in a few pocketfuls of rubble chiseled from the wall of his cell each day and emptied into the prison yard. He doesn't create an explosion or a riot. But he does do this little bit, as often as he can, for as long as it takes to free himself.

As you read, listen to "Rock Hammer" from the Shawshank Remdemption soundtrack. This music evokes how passion requires us to be watchful, protective, resolute, plodding, furtive, precise, persistent and brave. Waiting for the right moment to reveal our work requires the loving patience of Job.

Both men-- the forcibly committed sculptor and this character Andy-- know themselves, and this strengthens their conviction that they don't belong in their prisons indefinitely. When we have only a fragmented view of who we are, our identity blurs, and it is easy to lose conviction, and to lose heart, and to lose our lifeline of passion. In Andy's case, knowing his passion keeps him focused, in spite of the horrors and monotony of prison, and prevents him from flailing or harming his chances for escape.

Enjoying the role we play in our lives is a great feeling, and can bring lasting rewards. But a role is not the same as an identity. We can bravely sacrifice and suffer for what we do, but if we don't really want to do it, then we won't be able to restore ourselves if our rewards are taken from us and we are stripped of our role. If our identity is rooted in success, then inevitable failures and disappointment will define us instead. 

Our passion, like our love, tells us the most about who we are. Like the man in the psychiatric ward, fearfully pressing together his crude materials, or like Andy chiseling away at his stone wall-- both activities appearing to be hobbies or hopeless obsessions on the surface-- we all need this self-knowledge to salvage the time we spend restricted, confined, deprived or under duress.

Victorian Prison, Portland circa 1860

Sometimes we are granted an opportunity to express love in a public way with celebration, and there feels like an abundance of passion to go around and carry everyone into a blissful state. Watching others in this state, we might wonder how we can "have what they're having" and imitate their style. But most often, we are stuck with ourselves, and the minutes drip by, no matter how full our schedule. When communicating, tapping on a computer in isolation can feel like tapping morse code on a water pipe to fellow prisoners. Painting might feel like one mere drop in an ocean of more talented artists. Our emotional state is not always going to reflect the energy of passion that is available to us.

At other times, we might feel full of this energy, but don't yet know what it is, how to channel it, and time is running out. Or you may feel that time is all you've got. Either way, let time be on your side. None of us know how much we have to spend, anyway. Passion isn't really about living the life you dream of, like a picture in your head that you color in until it is "finished'. Passion lives through you, and takes a form that you might only realize in loving hindsight.